I haven't written much lately: the radiotherapy which lasted 2 weeks was a boring traipse of 10 days every day to Canterbury for a 10 minute treatment that held no surprises.
Since then I have to admit I have had more than a couple of bad days, more emotional than physical, although I am feeling better today. Jen is a rock and maintains an attitude that rubs off on me for which I am both thankful and grateful for. When you're feeling crap it's amazing what a good attitude next to you does!
Yesterday was a good example: all I seemed to want to do was sleep, and that has to be hugely frustrating for her but I am thankful that her calm demeanour meant I came through that sleepy time and we ended up awake together, watching TV through the evening.
It's difficult sometimes when you become emotional about nothing in particular, and you can't seem to control that, or understand why you feel that way: for me I just want to cry without quite understanding what causes it, or starts it off. It's important to have a shoulder to lean on when that happens and I know Jen gets frustrated too but at the same time she is not afraid to put her arms round me and offer the comfort I need when I feel like that. Thank you darling, it's much appreciated even though it doesn't always seem like it at the time!
We have a wait now for the next appointment with the consultant in a few weeks time and we see where treatment goes from there.
The sudden realisation that you have cancer hits you like a sledgehammer. On 9th February after 2 months of tests and all sorts thats what they told me. In more ways than one it's a life-changing moment and your mind goes into overdrive thinking all kinds of worst case scenarios.
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