Settled

A week since the start of chemotherapy cycle 2. To be honest, very little after effects thus far to speak of, which is good. Having seen the orthopaedic consultant a couple of days ago, and the fact he is pleased with the pinning operation healing process I really am pretty much sorted right now.

Only issue is the ache from the radial nerve etc, and with luck, as the chemo progresses, I would expect the lesion in the bone to reduce (that's the ultimate plan of course) and reduce that pressure on the nerve.

I did have one bad night in the week and sat for several hours on the side of the bed till the morning, and at that point I was going through a bit of a !why Me?" time. I think it's inevitable that there will be some emotion, and it is not good to bottle it up: that morning, I sat on the bed and cried, for ages, for no apparent reason, other than a "Why Me?". The close and intimate connection which I have with Jen of course means that those kinds of emotions will spill over to her so for an hour we sat and blubbered together.

We have of course experienced these emotions with Jen before, and even noqw she still gets the frustration from her stroke, but the difference at the moment is that the stroke is "finished" in that the damage is done, and it's finite: we know what she can and can't do, and that's very well defined for us. With the cancer right now it's far more dynamic, and so what is always in the back of my mind is the question "Where next?".

At the moment there are no other indications so I try to dismiss that possibility for now and we work to deal with what we know about, which is the bladder and the arm. Anything else we will overcome as required!

I only have one thing to add, a little picture I found on the the net this week which I attach below.