Life-changing Moment

There are many days and dates, and many reasons that those dates stay with us through our lives: when we get married, the birth of our children, a memorable event and so on. For everyone those moments are different, and we remember them in all kinds of ways:with fondness, love, happiness and joy. We remember bad times too, sometimes more clearly than the good ones. Today was one of those days for me.

Shown into the day surgery ward with 3 other guys, we were assigned beds and the regular checks, temperature and blood pressure, taken by the nurses as they prepared us all for the minor procedures we were about to have. The anaesthetist came and saw me, ran through the usual questions, and said he would see me before the op etc..

About 8.30 the consultant, Mr Murray arrived and sat on the bed. And here was the bombshell which i did not expect. He explained the procedure then told me that 98% of these type of growths were malignant but he would know more after the operation. However, at this time he already knew what was suddenly dawning on me: this was not going to be a simple cut it out and follow up. He told me he would want to see me in 3 weeks time and he would have more information then, and that he was going to book me a bone scan as well.

Furthermore he told me that there is a high incidence of bladder cancer in smokers, and yes, I had smoked all my life, untill last October when I discovered e-cigarettes and effectively I hadnt smoked for 3 months and was just using a rechargeable electronic cigarette. More of that later.

My mind was racing: all the usual stuff, 3 weeks to live, how do I tell the wife, allsorts!. Murray asked me to sign the consent form, and said he would come see me this afternoon. In a short while I was being moved to the operating theatres and woke up in recovery an hour or so later, very sore but other than that as OK as i could be.

Suddenly the conversation with the consultant came back to me, and once I was back in the ward I was alert enough to send a text message to my wife explaining in a very short version what he had said. I knew i couldn't phone her at that time as I would have ended up in tears, and so would she. I had to call someone so I rang my sister, explained a little of what had gone on, and asked her to tell my mum, who lives next door to her, and to give my wife Jenny a call, to make sure she was OK.

The plan was that Jenny was coming to collect me later that afternoon, provided I was allowed to go home. Suffice to say, even if I wasn't she was coming anyway! Still all the bad scenarios were running around in my head, and they wouldn't go away. Jenny texted me to say she had left home and was on the way to Canterbury: about 30 minutes drive. I will explain more about my wife in a separate post but you need to know she is disabled, after a stroke some 6 years ago, and walks with a stick. For her to walk any distance is immensely tiring and a huge effort. so an hour after she left home and she hadn't arrived i was starting to worry. Canterbury hospital, as they all are these days becomes very difficult to park, and there seems to always be a lack of disabled parking spaces. My cynical mind says the reason is that a disabled bay with free parking is not a revenue stream, so only provide the bare minimum required, and get money from all the other spaces. The layout of the hospital is one long corridor: she parked by outpatients, in a disabled bay, and then walked. This walk is probably some 400 yards along this main corridor, which for my wife is like running a marathon. 45 minutes it took her, and she finally appeared round the corner looking shattered. God! I love this woman so much!

We had a cup of tea (in our world tea is the great fixer: keep your alcohol and all that, PG tips every time!

Then without warning the consultant arrived: he stood at the end of the bed and leafed through a load of notes, almost as if he was trying to find the right words. I held her hand, and we listened.

there was not one but several tumours in the bladder, one of which seemed to have grown through the bladder wall (not good!) and he had taken several biopsies, and removed most of the other ones. He told us he had booked the bone scan, and that he woule the biopsy results in 3 weeks when he would see us in his clinic, but suffice to say, "you have a substantial tumour that is not going away. Once we know more it will enable us to determine the best treatment, They discharged me and we drove home in a state of shock.